Tuesday, June 11, 2013

My Wife and Time Before Our Time

Time to write about an aspect of my life. In fact, the greatest aspect, my wife. There are certain areas related to my relationship with her which aren't easy for me to process, but they're things I live with every day. So, here it goes. 

My wife, Trudy (cool name, no?), is six years my senior. That might seem odd to some or inconsequential to others. Either way, I love her more than I've ever loved anyone. That shouldn't be a surprise. 

Before I entered her life she had adventures and other relationships and life events with no connection to or bearing upon our fated relationship. She had a life before me, and it's taken almost the entire time we've been together for me to cope with that fact. At times I've clumsily handled it like Holden in Chasing Amy. Other times I've been able to take a deep breath, hear her out, and go on focusing on the point of it all - my love for her. 

One fact that always nags at me, though, is that she gave birth to a baby girl in her final year of high school (at the time I would have been around 12 years old - yikes). Due to her irresponsible nature, her complicated living situation, her complicated relationship with her sister (her only guardian since the early passing of her mother and the long-past disappearance of her father), and her less than admirable friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner (it's as complicated as hell) and that person's selfish mishandling of such an important situation, she was forced to accept that she was incapable of successfully caring for a child. From our talks I've gathered that she felt confident when she made the decision to offer the baby to a kind and generous couple for adoption. She was responsible enough to recognize her lacking and the fact that the couple could provide for the child in a way she could not. For whatever that decision is worth, it was probably the most loving thing she ever did for that baby. 

I've been with my gal for the better part of seven years now, and I've known her slightly longer than that. Her long and colorful history may have been troubling to me as I slowly developed the maturity to process all of it, but regardless, I am proud of the woman she is in spite of all that has befallen her. I respect the decisions she's had to make, especially such terribly difficult decisions like giving up a baby to people she scarcely knew. After all this time and all the emotional trials I've had to face to maintain the sanity to be a loving partner to her, I believe that she is the greatest person I've ever know. 

Life is random, and difficult, and sometimes it's just funny. Some days certain issues seem insurmountable. Other days those very same issues seem as insignificant as an age difference between two people who were - based on chance, years together, and too many coincidences - meant to be together.

If that little girl ever reads this (the chances being significantly low), I hope she understands that whatever life she's lived since her birth, it was arranged out of love so that she would always be safe and loved. A caring, complicated, simple teenage girl made decisions, had a kid, and chose a better life for that kid. Sounds cliched but it happened. 

1 comment:

  1. Coming from a child who was adopted, I can safely say that at night, when we're wondering just who the mysterious woman is who brought our tiny selves in to existence, and her reasons for "giving us up" ... I know that for me, I dreamed of a woman just like you're gal.

    It may be cliched, but really, all anyone ever really wants is a happy ending and your wonderful and courageous partner gave some lucky little girl out there just that.