On Intelligence and Delusion

I'm an intelligent guy. I can confess that truth after denying it out of shame for so long. For quite some time I felt like I had to doubt that fact and ask the pardon of others who might have called attention to it. No longer will I humble myself to the point of crippling my intellect.

As I revisit educational subjects of interest and refresh long-dormant knowledge I'm finding that my adult mind is adopting past perspectives and creating a solid wall of doubt which blocks me from any and all extraordinary claims without extraordinary evidence. In other words, any belief that I might have once held about the possible existence of a deity or the invisible presence of the spirit world has been almost completely removed from me. In considering the void which remains I have found my denial process slowed, though.

To think that the universe is the result of reaction after reaction and the evolution of life in the chaos of the ever changing cosmos leaves little room for the fanciful notion that a considerably powerful, invisible being is flipping switches behind some unseen curtain. What else is there then for a sensitive, feeling human mind to consider? Where does one turn when they realize that life is nothing more than the product of chemical reactions and evolution doing their thing until whatever makes life possible ceases to be?

I wonder if I'm comfortable accepting that each human life is a one off event where energy is processed through a human organism until that organism ceases to function and is turned back over to the natural world to surrender the borrowed energy. Can I cope with death truly being the end without any hope of a persistence of my essence beyond? I'm struggling to answer that question.

Life for a human, I find, is a series of experiments randomly performed until inquisitiveness is snuffed out by the breakdown of the body and mind over time. We're conceived, we're born, we become aware, we develop, we learn, we apply our knowledge, we age, and then we die. There doesn't need to be an epilogue or a second volume to existence. The finality of the obvious end should be enough. It can enrich the time prior and drive one to do the best for as long as they can. It's tragic, in a way, that humanity has despaired at such a thought often enough to have generated several imagined ways out of the eventual end.

The concept of a god or an afterlife is a cushion for the fragile mind which struggles to consider the possibility of a bare universe in which one is no more significant than any other component of the grand cosmic machine. Such a bogus concept comes from weakness coupled with our long-developed ability to dream of possibilities beyond our base perceptions. God and the existence beyond life are a crutches for those who can't escape the safety of intense denial. Aren't they?

Again, I still struggle to accept obvious truths and deny what can only be hopeful delusions. My intelligence, I think, won't let me give up or give in. Thank goodness for that, at least.